


Save me

by Sarran



Series: YouTuber's [6]
Category: Banana Bus Squad, Video Blogging RPF, Youtube RPF
Genre: Confessions, Heavy Angst, M/M, thoughts of self harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-13 22:09:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9144268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarran/pseuds/Sarran
Summary: Blackness all I see, surrounding me, in the depths of my misery.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had food poisoning for new years eve, I am going to blame this piece on that! (yeap that’s my excuse), otherwise I’m not sure where this one came from or why it ends as it does. 
> 
> I might add more later, but this is not really a ship I am into so no promises.

Moths were dancing about the flickering fluorescent light, he knew it needed to be fixed but didn’t care, saddened eyes watched their joyful dance, wings beating a million miles an hour with a gentle hum, the pitter patter of rain drawing his attention away and towards the dark night. 

The blackness that surrounded him, seemed to be swallowing him whole, he didn’t know if the wetness on his face was from his eyes or the from the uncaring sky, all he felt of the bitter cold wind was the rustle of wet clothing against his clammy skin. 

Fitting deserving he thought, hands curled about his middle, fingers digging into soft flesh, marking it, sending small waves of pain that was all he could feel through him, Why was the world a swirling mess that seemed intent on swallowing him whole when in reality it was so black without any colour... His thoughts turned to his friends but even then their images seemed grey and distant, not able to stay in focus as if they were distant figures that walked away. 

He felt numb to the world, no longer able to see the colour that others did, everything had been fading to grey slowly over time til now all that was left was the blackness that surrounded him.

‘save me’ he thought, wishing not for the first time that the stars above would hear him. 

Perhaps they did, as he never heard the pounding on his front door, never heard his name bellowed. It wasn’t til hands rested on his shoulders that colour filtered into his blackened world, his eyes seeing what his mind refused to. “Brock buddy what’s going on?” The concerned voice asked, glasses slipping down the nose that was before his own.

“Save me.” He weary words slipped out without a thought, hands curling tighter into themselves, why was there colour before him when he deserved none.

“I’m here Brock.” The words again barely heard by the tired heart weary man, his head tipping forwards to rest on the others shoulder as arms wrapped about his cold body. Gentle hands running over his back as warm breath whispered in his ear. “I’m here.”

Letting out a pained sob he asked again, this time aloud “please save me?” as he started to shiver from the cold, finally registering the fact as the others warmth started to seep into his chill stiffened body.

Voice tender the other shifted, a hand lifting his face “I’m here Brock, let’s go inside ok?” Nodding almost childlike he let himself be lead inside by the hand, water trailing their footsteps. Colours of warmth started to seep into his vision, muscles trembling at the change in temperature. He heard the other talking softly to him, but couldn’t focus on the words, instead letting his clothes be pulled off, numb fingers struggling to help, he felt a large towel wrapped about him and sighed at the soft fabric. 

Wearied he settled onto the couch when pushed down, shifting to rest his head on the side. His eyes dropped closed as a hand stroked through his tangled hair, whispered words of comfort soothing him to sleep.

\--------------------

“I don’t know what the matter is, I really don’t, he was just sitting outside in the rain and looked like the world had ended. No he hasn’t told me why or what is going on. Yes I will find out.” He rolled his eyes, running a hand through his hair as he spoke to the group call. “Yes I will let you know when I know what’s going on. Everyone shut up. Geez, look I will update you when he wakes up ok? No I don’t think anyone should come down here. Just wait til you hear from me ok? Alright I will talk to you soon.” Hanging up he let out a frustrated sigh, looking over to his friend who was still asleep on the couch. 

He hadn’t heard from the other in days, slowly over the last few weeks he had been MIA more often than not, before he stopped answer any of his friends. To see the normally quiet always there man, so withdrawn and broken was heart breaking. He was the rock that all of his friends depended on, always willing to talk out a problem or offer advice or even just listening silently as they vented about each other, never taking a side just always there for them.

Walking over he knelt beside the couch, gentle fingers brushing shaggy hair from a face that seemed to have aged years in a few months. Sighing again he rose and found blankets, covering the other man before settling into a lounge chair and curling into his own, his worried mind found it difficult to sleep, it was almost dawn before he was pulled under.

\--------------------------

He woke to a world that still held little to make him wish he was alive, his breath heavy as he sat up slowly on the couch. Hearing a snore he looked over and the events of the night before settled into his mind as he saw the sleeping man across from him. His hands curled into the blanket as he remembered the other had helped him out of his soaking clothes, had soothed and spoken to him before he drifted to sleep, ‘had saved him perhaps’. Shaking his head at that thought, he rose on protesting legs, muscles sore from sleeping curled up.

Changing in his room, he noted the red crescent marks on his hands where his nails had dug in. Pulling his thoughts away from the comfort the pain had brought him he walked out to the kitchen, lips drawn down and eyes heavily bagged from many sleepless nights. Starting the kettle he automatically made a coffee, barely tasting it as he still felt numb, he was once more on the couch. Hands curled about the cup and eyes again unseeing as his thoughts drifted. 

Once more it wasn’t til hands shook his shoulders gently that he looked into troubled eyes, the other was kneeling before him, he whispered and realised how tired he sounded “Craig.”

He had woken to his one of his best friends, sitting on the edge of the couch with a far off look, hands clinging to an empty coffee cup. Kneeling before him he tried to catch his attention before he had shaken his shoulders. “Hey Brocky” Moving his hands from the other shoulders he rested them over Brocks hands, unsure what to say he asked the first thing that came to mind. “Want another one?”

Nodding he released the cup and blinked rapidly, frowning he rose and followed Craig into the small kitchen. “What are you doing here?” Wincing as the noise of the other making coffee pierced the silence of the house. A silence he had come to love and hate.

“What do you mean?” He looked over and tipped his head to the side “You haven’t been online in days and you haven’t been yourself in months. I came to see what was going on.” Placing one of the cups before Brock, Craig leant back against the sink.

“I just needed a break; there was no need to worry. I would of told you if there was.” He tried to lie, he truly did, but he had always been terrible at it. Looking down at his hands that had curled about his cup once more, he could feel the other staring at him. Knew he wouldn’t be believed but mumbled out anyway. “I am okay, I really am.”

Craig shook his head, eyes taking in the way the other seemed to be curling into himself, the larger man had never looked so small, and it struck a small amount of fear into Craig’s heart. Placing his cup down he walked over to his friend and wrapped his arms about Brock’s chest from the side, head resting on the others shoulder. “Brock if you are ok, then I’m a terrorist.” A slight smirk tugging at his lips as he saw the others jaw drop open at the quip.

Scowling a small smile showing briefly he flicked the other a look “Craig it’s just...” He started to say but stopped and dropped his head to his chest, he didn’t want to burden his friend.

“Come.” All he said as he shifted his hands, pulling Brock after him towards the couch, pressing him down onto it before sitting cross legged at his side facing the broken man. “Brock for all the times you have listened to me, to our friends... and yes they are as worried as I am... let me listen to you this once, tell me everything please.” Concern and encouragement in his softly spoken words as he curled his hands into his lap and waited.

Taking a breath, Brock placed the drink down on the floor, his mind whirling as he listened to the heartfelt words of his friend, he was silent as his mind turned again towards the dark places it had travelled to recently. He slowly tried to describe the black loneliness within him, how people he had trusted had walked away or turned their back on him. 

How his caring nature was taken advantage of again and again, used against him for others gain, he knew his online friends were not like that but others in his life who used and threw him away outweighed what good his friends brought into his world; till all that was left seemed filled with the black of nothingness, filled with only the darkness, that no amount of brightness or goodness could overcome. 

His voice falling silent he let his head fall into his hands as tears fell, he felt numb once more and wondered when it would end, if anyone would or could save him. Feeling arms wrap about his shoulders and pull him against the other’s chest, he clung to the body that held him, his face pressed to the others shoulder as a hand stroked over his back. Whispered words trying to push the darkness from his mind. 

“Brock I am here and if you want I know all the guys will come and be here as well, We all love you as friend and brother, you are one of us and we would never do anything to hurt you. Brock believe me when I say none of us would do such to you. Your friendship, your kindness and caring mean everything to us. Please know we will always be here for you.” 

Curling his arms tighter about the sobbing man, he tried to ease his distressed mind, words tumbling from his lips as he fought to hold back his own tears, the confession had torn at his heart. “Please let me help you, know I would do anything to see you happy again.”

“I’m gay Craig.” The words whispered and he had to force them from his throat, he wasn’t sure why he was so scared of telling his closest friend, but after the reactions of others in his life he couldn’t help but wonder what if this friend would push him away as well. 

Craig wondered why Brock would think he would push him away, letting out a sigh he pushed the man back against the couch, smiling softly at his confused look before he settled himself on the others knees, hands went to rest on either side of Brocks face and he whispered “So am I.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Note: WARNING :: Skip this chapter if you want happy, as this is as dark as I will ever write and its not a fairy tail.
> 
>  
> 
> The next chapter will be rainbows I Promise!!!

Whispered confession in dark of night.

\-----------------------

 

It was dark and he felt warm, suffocating in it, kicking and flailing as he came fully awake he realised the sheets were tangled about his body and he let himself fall back onto the bed, his eyes felt crusty from lack of deep sleep, huffing out a breath that was almost a sob he slowly climbed out. Free of the confines of the sweaty sheets he made his way to the bathroom, eyes registered a face in the mirror much older than his own, lifting fingers to his cheek he felt the growth that he had not cared to remove.

A shiver ran through him as he stripped and got into the shower, the heat of the water scolding soft flesh and the sense of numbness retreated, his tired mind was trying to tell him something but he refused to listen as hands slowly washed himself.

Afterwards a towel wrapped around his middle he dared to look in the mirror once more, black bags under his eyes, no light shining in the orbs that were once so happy, lips all but lost in bushels of hair, grabbing the shaving cream he lathered it on before finding his razor, the blade dulled and after a couple of swipes it caught on his cheek, sending a rivet of blood trailing down. Frowning as he watched his reflection a small gasp left as pain registered, pain was a feeling wasn’t it, pain was at least not numbness, dropping his gaze to the blade of his razor it travelled to his wrist and he watched as a drop of blood from his cheek landed on pale skin.

He knew now why people would choose pain, at least it was a feeling, and he wanted to so desperately feel anything, something that would assure him he was in fact alive. Once again his brain tried to tell him something and the razor shook in his fingers, his eyes were lost in thoughts that centred on the red dots that kept dripping onto his wrist. The sting of his cheek a welcoming comfort.

“Brock?” A worried voice asked from the doorway and he turned slowly to look to the man standing looking at him with such concern, frowning that he had forgotten the other was here. He looked to his wrist then the mirror and whispered “I cut myself.” His other hand pressing to his cheek, fingers coming away bloody.

\------

Craig had heard the shower and pulled himself out of bed, he was making a coffee when he realised the house had gone silent, trying not to worry, he took his time to finish his drink before he rose to find out if his friend was okay. The bathroom door was ajar and he knocked before looking around it and calling out.

The sight of the razor in his friends hand and the blood on his wrist had him catching his breath til he realised what had happened. He was still concerned though at the state he had found Brock in only the night before, and now with a confused faraway look on his face, had him wondering if he needed to ask their other friends for help. 

Walking over he removed the razor and tossed it in the sink. “It’s ok, I can help.” Normally the sight of Brock near naked would of had him stuttering and blushing, but now all it did was break his heart, he grabbed a washcloth and made Brock hold it to his cheek before pushing him down onto the edge of the bath to sit, Craig cleaned the blood from his wrist and hand before checking his cheek had stopped bleeding, once it had he tenderly barbered his older friend, afterwards stepping back with a small smile. “That’s better... I ahh have coffee if you want some?” The others silence was starting to feel oppressing.

\-------------

The day passed in awkward silence and Craig was starting to again doubt he could help his friend when the other finally spoke, after dinner.

“Thanks Mini, I know I’m a mess” Brock gave a little shrug as fingers played with the handle of his mug before leaving to seek his bed. Curling into a ball, he trying to will himself to sleep but was stopped by a weight settling onto the edge of his bed.

Craig sat with hands curled on his lap, his voice low as he asked. “Brock, would you ever... harm yourself on purpose?” He dreaded the answer but wanted to know at the same time.

Sighing he looked at Craig who was sitting behind him, before turning his face away “I don’t know, I just want to feel something. After everyone turning away i couldn’t handle the pain and i turned it off, and it felt nice not to have to worry about others, not to have to feel that ache that they no longer cared for me, now the numbness isn’t enough. Its like i went to the edge and it was bliss for awhile but now i want to come back, and everything is covered in a bubble that stops me from seeing or feeling it. I just want to feel something again.”

Craig was chewing his lip as he listened, his voice soft and as comforting as he could make it “do you feel this?” He asked, moving to press his hip into the small of the others back, “or this” as he leant forwards his head resting on the others shoulder, left hand pressing against the back of his neck “or this?” he asked again as his right hand snaked about the older to curl their fingers together. His voice was soft and warm, his eyes intent though he could only see the silhouette of the others face as it was turned away into a pillow. Squeezing brocks hand he nuzzled his chin in the man’s shoulder. “Im right here Brock, Im not going anywhere.”

Craig thought he was saying the right things and though they penetrated the darkness in his mind with a point of light, though his body pressed against Brocks own gave him comfort, it still struggled to pierce through the bubble of film that let no feelings in.

He sighed before speaking again, struggling to find the right words. “I do, I can, it just doesn’t feel real anymore, nothing does. Its been a week and it still feels like you not really here, part of a dream that I cant wake from. When does it end Craig, when do I wake up?” he asked as tears started to trickle down his cheeks. Craig just held him, speaking til he felt asleep, the other curled into his back, hand still clasping his.

\----------------

((*End Note:: So this was suppose to be a one shot but I had the thought to continue it.  
Also this was not going to turn into a ship but uhhh... SORRY!?? Haha.. possible Vanoo, Tyvan, MooLadd or other in the next chapter... wait and see!*))

**Author's Note:**

> Anyway I hope you enjoyed, please let me know if you did,
> 
> Let peace Reign in 2017! 
> 
> Cheers.


End file.
